I am 26 now, and I do realize that my clock is ticking according to my African background. I also do realize that I am anything but traditional, so I’m neither desperate nor in a hurry to get married. I miss you. I know it sounds strange but I do. I probably have already met you, I most likely haven’t but I can’t wait to know you. I am a broken woman laden with insecurities and distrust and I am not ashamed to tell you. All my life, I feel like I keep meeting the wrong people at the right time or the right people at the wrong time. I have either loved too much or not enough, gave too much or didn’t give enough. It was always one or the other, no matter how much I tried. I have had to tell myself severally that it was because I hadn’t met you yet. I still think i am right. I have found myself shrinking and doubting myself, unsure of if I was doing the right thing. Questioning myself every step of every way. Wondering if I was expecting too much out of life or people. I have given so much of myself that sometimes, I wonder if I haven’t given too much or if there’s anything left to give.
I have come to realise that there will always be a new excuse why they couldn’t love me. If I wasn’t too much, I wasn’t enough. My career is going to always be a reason why it won’t always be easy or why it won’t work, and I understand. I also understand the beauty of family and to know me is to know I’ll never put anything or anyone before you and our kids. I am always going to be in the public eye and that’s why I need trust to be an absolute. I am not ashamed to say I need someone to mend my broken heart and heal my wounds. Someone to renew my faith in men and people, and I promise to be here too to heal you where you are broken. I know I’m deserving of the kind of love I want, because it’s the kind of love I am willing to give. I am trying to get closer to God and I hope you are willing to do the same or you are there already to help me along.
I understand that I am scared of commitment, but I also realize that when I find the right one, I won’t question it. My fear of commitment stems from the fear that everyone always leaves so I have tried to play it safe by not getting attached. Truth is, I have hurt myself trying to avoid being hurt by someone else. I am tired of holding all my love in, I am tired of pretending that I don’t care as much as I do. That’s not the way I love. I believe in giving everything and being everything. All I want above all else, is someone who isn’t scared of giving their all and who’s willing to take my all. I can’t pretend to not care so much for fear that you’ll be overwhelmed, I want you to be overwhelmed. I want to be overwhelmed too. I want to lay awake at night asking myself how someone can possibly love me that much, and to make you ask the same. I want you to be obsessed with me, to look at me like I’m made of magic. To know that I am only human but to think me divine.
I understand that we live in a world where everyone is scared, no one wants to be played. I want to be your peace, I want to be the one who holds your hand when you ask God for His blessings. I want to be the one who thanks God with you when the blessings come your way. I want to be your best-friend and your homie, I want to be responsible for your food and your orgasms (I promise you a lot of both) , your laughter and your anti-pain medication. I want cuddles and addictions to each other. I want poems and cute texts and goofy songs and piggy back rides. I want forehead kisses and slow dances. I want a dream with no nightmare. I want a lot of God and a lot of praying together. I want a lot of surprises and a lot of romance. I want breakfast in bed and late night strolls. I want vacations together and even if we can’t afford it yet, a visit to the conservative is very fine too and a stroll and picnic along the beach cannot be over hyped. I want us to grow (old) together, building each other up. I want to be able to show you off and not feel stupid. I want to play board games with you and have quiet nights in. I want that 1 Cor 13, Ephesians 5: 22-33 kind of love and marriage. I believe in abstinence until marriage, a bed kept pure. Thessalonians 4:3, 2 Timothy 2:22, 1 Cor 6:18…. I am not willing to compromise on this, which is why like I said, I hope you are Godly.
Love helps people grow, love makes people bloom. I want to help you bloom. No matter where you are in life, I want to make you better.. I never want to make you feel like you are second choice because you aren’t. I am a lover and not a fighter, so don’t expect a girl who starts fights. I want to be your peace, I want to be the one you can turn to when the world is difficult. The one who holds you in her arms and you know everything is going to be fine. Our love is not a competition, it’s not a tug of war. I’m your partner not your rival, I’m your ally not the enemy. I’m here to help you build, I’m here to support you all the way. Faithfulness is of extreme importance to me Hebrews 13:4. I will never compromise on that, you shouldn’t either. Everyone deserves someone who doesn’t make them sit in bed at night wondering if a part of it was their fault. If they weren’t good enough. You deserve a wife of utmost loyalty and fidelity and I deserve the same.
I want to be able to be myself without fear of “see-finish”. I need you to be yourself with me, I want to know all of you. I am pretty strong, but I cry when I’m on my period (it’s the darn hormones) or when I think about my dogs and how i gave them away, and I curse when I drive (currently working on that RN). I curl my lips when I concentrate on stuff and I love trying new stuff. I’ll probably refuse when you ask me to do stuff in the beginning because I don’t want to get too attached. I laugh a lot and especially at myself, I am pretty funny and I make a lot of wacky jokes. I love puns and I love cooking. I am the kind of girl who’d dress up for an event but chose instead to stay in bed with you like we have done for the past three days prior to that. I will lick your face and take pictures of you while you sleep. I will drive you to Epe to try out a ram suya spot I heard about and take you away from your boys just because I can. I will get on your nerves, I will get in your heart, I will tell you I love you 20 times a day and I still won’t fart in your presence. Guess who’s the first person I want to call when I’m stressed at work or who I want to lash out when I feel like being troublesome? Through it all, one thing is for sure, you will never doubt how much I love you. Especially on the days love seems far away.
Someone probably reads this and thinks i’m naive, that i think love is easy. I do think love is easy….when it is real, and i want that real love baby. That “cant believe they are still together, God is really the foundation of that love” kinda love. If we know how much we love each other, if we know we don’t want to be apart, if we know God is for us, how can it not be easy? If we spend all our energy loving each other and being there for each other without distractions, how can we not work? How can it not work when He’s our rock and our fortress? “He only is my Rock and my Salvation; He is my Defense and my Fortress, I shall not be moved. Psalm 62:6” “Isaiah 40:31 But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.” “I will grant you the desires of your heart, psalm 37:4” “may He grant you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed psalm 20:4”
So tell me again, how isn’t this love possible?
SOURCE: lotaelixir
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