First of all, what is cheating? personally I think cheating is doing anything you can’t tell your partner. I think that is the most rounded definition of the act. Yes, act. Like love, cheating is not merely a word, it’s a verb; an act, an action.
If a person were to cheat on me, the first thing I’d do is flare up (which is something everyone will do). After that initial outburst of tears and anger and rantings and ravings are over, I start to ask myself if it was something I’d done to push him away. Like maybe the sex wasn’t good anymore, maybe he no longer found me interesting, maybe I am not good enough or maybe he just plain fell out of love. However, whichever way you choose to look at it, it’s going to hurt. I think most men cheat because they do not fully understand how it affects a woman. They feel women are wired to understand that “they are just men” and “women are used to it”. The real Nigerian/ African man does not understand why a woman flares up or gets emotional when he cheats, because to him, it’s most likely just sex with the other person. I’ve seen Nigerian men being cheated on, and I see how they react and I just wish they’d understand that women are twice as emotional. So whatever feeling of anger or self-loathing or shame or self-pity or heartbreak you feel when you are cheated on, remember a woman feels it twice as much. Even though our mothers have tried to teach us that all men are dogs and they cheat, we try to convince ourselves otherwise and search for that little speck of self-respect and decency in men. Is that too much to ask?
In my personal experience, I have come to find out that there are several reasons why a man or woman will cheat. I personally don’t find any excuse good enough when it comes to cheating, but since I’m trying to be liberal and mature, I guess I must.
1) CHANGE… For me this is the most common excuse that a “seemingly” faithful person always gives. The human heart is wired to defend and protect itself. If a person feels the significant other is slipping away or changing, then naturally our “dump before I get dumped” mentality kicks in. No one wants to be taken for a fool or left unawares, we all want to protect ourselves from heartbreak and all the works.
2) PAYBACK.. Ever been cheated on before? The natural instinct is to get back at your partner, it’s like “I’m not ugly, I too, can have my affairs”. Most times though we take it too far and forget two wrongs can never make a right.
3) BOREDOM.. Some relationships and even partners can grow into bores!! No fire, no flame. Just a routine daily activity that functions on instinct. Like a robot, especially long relationships or marriages. Most times, we forget that our partners didn’t suddenly become less desirable because they become ours. Like they say “never stop doing what you did to get your partner, that’s how you keep your partner”. Some people just want a little fire and romance and passion to make them feel good about themselves again.
4) MATERIAL/FINANCIAL BENEFITS.. For most young people, this is the most common reason. No one has the patience to build with someone anymore, every one thinks they are getting played. Most people only want what they can get, materially, out of a relationship. Then, when they no longer find this, they look out the window and even climb the fence into the next building.
5) SEX.. Ahhh!!! The almighty sex!! Men just love this excuse!! “But baby, it was just sex” … They say “men like fruits, only problem is they like fruit salad” or something like that..
6) Some people were not born to stay faithful! It’s that simple.
Whatever your reason for cheating on your partner, I want you to take a minute and imagine how you’d feel if the tables were turned. I know most times, we can’t think past our clothes hitting the floor.
1) CHANGE… For me this is the most common excuse that a “seemingly” faithful person always gives. The human heart is wired to defend and protect itself. If a person feels the significant other is slipping away or changing, then naturally our “dump before I get dumped” mentality kicks in. No one wants to be taken for a fool or left unawares, we all want to protect ourselves from heartbreak and all the works.
2) PAYBACK.. Ever been cheated on before? The natural instinct is to get back at your partner, it’s like “I’m not ugly, I too, can have my affairs”. Most times though we take it too far and forget two wrongs can never make a right.
3) BOREDOM.. Some relationships and even partners can grow into bores!! No fire, no flame. Just a routine daily activity that functions on instinct. Like a robot, especially long relationships or marriages. Most times, we forget that our partners didn’t suddenly become less desirable because they become ours. Like they say “never stop doing what you did to get your partner, that’s how you keep your partner”. Some people just want a little fire and romance and passion to make them feel good about themselves again.
4) MATERIAL/FINANCIAL BENEFITS.. For most young people, this is the most common reason. No one has the patience to build with someone anymore, every one thinks they are getting played. Most people only want what they can get, materially, out of a relationship. Then, when they no longer find this, they look out the window and even climb the fence into the next building.
5) SEX.. Ahhh!!! The almighty sex!! Men just love this excuse!! “But baby, it was just sex” … They say “men like fruits, only problem is they like fruit salad” or something like that..
6) Some people were not born to stay faithful! It’s that simple.
Whatever your reason for cheating on your partner, I want you to take a minute and imagine how you’d feel if the tables were turned. I know most times, we can’t think past our clothes hitting the floor.
Men are not polygamists by nature. Don’t tell me that. I won’t even spare a thought to it. Most people think that sex is the worst part of cheating, I tell you authoritatively that it’s not. Ever had your partner be with someone they can’t let go? That one person, who like the proverbial bad penny, they keep going back to? That one person they can’t stop talking to, suddenly you are no longer your partner’s first choice, yours is no longer the first or last voice they hear, they hide stuff from you and lie about everything, they make excuses and sneak just to be with the other person and then in the end, they tell you it’s you they love and they haven’t had sex with the other person, and you just know that what they share is more than sex; it’s love. Tell me one more time that sex is the worst form of cheating. These days, nobody wants to give love a chance anymore. Even if it hasn’t happened to you, you have heard stories of the likes of Annie and Tu-face that make you question all you know about love. I always tell people, instead of cheating, break up with your partner. Leg them go, don’t scar them. Cheating destroys trust. It destroys people. I know for sure it destroyed me. It makes you question every thought, every action, every truth. You hear someone tell you about love, but all you can actually hear is “I just want you till you become less desirable, then il decide if to keep you while I chase after someone else or just let you go”. If we realize the full impact of a cheating partner on their significant other, I believe we won’t be so quick to chase after the next shiny thing.
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