This is for everyone who wonders
why they don’t fit in. It’s okay! If I don’t know you, my crazy can’t wait to
meet your crazy! You are not alone, for the lost children are many.
For so long I tried to fit, so
long I pretended I wasn’t a wacko. It’s funny looking back now, I laugh at how
long it took me to realize it was okay to be different.
That standing out wasn’t so bad,
that while they looked at me strange and laughed at how different I was, I
should have looked at them and laughed at how they were all the same. It’s
funny really, I was desperate to be unseen. I was begging to go unnoticed. I
thought that if I hid long enough, they wouldn’t see how special I am, they
wouldn’t know. If I kept quiet long enough, no one would hear my voice, and if
they didn’t hear it, they would stop wondering why my opinions were always a
tad strange. Honestly, it didn’t work. I started to understand, I started to
see.
The problem wasn’t them, the
fault wasn’t theirs. They couldn’t understand me, and why blame them? They were
in the presence of a living juxtapose, an oxymoron in the flesh. I understood
then that some of us aren’t allowed the luxury of being basic, we do not have
the privilege of being mediocre. I understand now that it’s okay to be me, it’s
okay to have a different taste. It’s okay that not everyone understands me,
it’s okay that not everyone likes me even. I’ve realized that the harder I try
to be “normal”, the harder I try to “fit in”, the more I lose myself. I’ve
learnt that no matter how many people like me, no matter how many people I
change for, I will never be happy if I’m not happy with myself. I will never be
okay with the world if I’m not okay with me, I’ve learnt that I don’t have to
understand myself even, just accept.
I’m no longer looking for someone
to please. I’m no longer okay with everyone liking me, I’m not comfortable with
everyone being comfortable around me. I have learned that I can’t please
everyone, but more important I can’t, and I refuse to displease myself to
please the world. I spent 20some years trying to go against myself, trying to
tell myself that I was the problem, so forgive me If I feel like you all should
fuck yourselves if you feel I am not good enough to be myself. I am me, I can’t
be anyone else. I won’t be anyone else. I am an anomaly. I am anomalous, I am
constantly straying away from what society says is normal. My opinions are
valid, I am valid. I do not need validation from anyone else; if God wanted me
otherwise, He’d have made me otherwise. For long I tried to fit in, I really
did. But I realized nothing worked for me, nothing went my way. Now I’ve come
to the realization that: when I become myself, when I understand myself and
accept myself, I learn how to handle my life and society adjusts because society
knows I know it has no
right to define me.
Someone calls me weird, I say
“thank you”. Call me a rebel and I laugh, because I wasn’t born to go gentle
into the night. Say you don’t like me, and I check if I wronged you. I didn’t?
Then fuck you, because I understand the world hates what it doesn’t understand
or cannot control. It means I’m doing it right, it means I’m standing out. My
life has never been what society expects, you talk to me for 5minutes and you’d
probably go “oh, she’s totally unexpected”. Everyone comes with a view of how I
should be or how they think I am, and with the greatest of pleasures I change
their mind by refusing to be stereotyped. I am who I am at whatever point,
don’t box me, don’t restrict my crazy. Don’t affirm or restrain me, it’s not
your job. Your job is to love me and accept me, not understand. Understand that
you can’t understand if you must understand anything. Understand that I’m not
going to be all sunny weather or all rain. I’m either, I’m neither/nor. I’m the
rainbow that meets the tornado, I’m all sides of me and unapologetic ally so.
I’m not a girl looking for confirmation or affirmation, I’m a goddess
completely okay with the fact that she doesn’t fit in and wouldn’t have it any
other way.
0 Comments