Blame It On Mom And Dad

 

So, I’ve been thinking, why in the world I can’t settle down.Why I can’t seem to find love in this generation, why it seems like everyone ishappy except me. Then my parents called me, and they put the call on speaker,and we all talked and laughed, and they reported my siblings to me as usual andwe joked and said our goodbyes. In that moment I had the answer, I knew why Iwas stalling. I finally put a name and a face to the love I knew I wanted andfelt like I deserved. I wanted what my parents have! It was a ‘eureka’ momentfor me, that moment when everything was crystal clear. I could finally see it,spelled out clearly. I wanted what they had and then some.

Seeing how parents always protected their kids from seeing the reality of the relationship they had, I get that. Trust me I do. Growing up, we used to have family meetings. We’d all sit together and air our grievances, say what we felt was wrong and our parents will say theirs. Child to child, child to parent, parent to child, parent to parent. We (the kids) all hated it and we never understood it, because trust me, we’d already gotten a spank for whatever was being talked about, but my mum insisted we talk about it. I think that’s where I got my “let’s talk about it” attitude from. It was at one of these meetings, I think I was 13, that I heard about my parents getting separated. I was confused, my siblings were enraged and scared. I didn’t understand, my dad said my mum was going to the village for a long while and didn’t know when she’d be coming back. I looked at my mum, she was looking straight ahead, her face was defiant, she had that look of “you haven’t crawled and begged enough”.

That was to tell you that I’ve seen the dark side of a marriage, now the good. I’ve seen my mum stick closer to my dad than a brother, I’ve seen my dad alienate family for my mum, I’ve seen them make each other blush even after 20some years of marriage. I asked my mum some months ago if they still have sex and she glowed! Mehn, she glowed! They have the house to themselves now and I can only imagine. All my life, I saw them as friends who were married. When they fought, it was hell and fire. Don’t ask me where I got my temper from, I grow with a restrained tiger and a ferocious wild cat. But when they play, my God! My best memories of home must be about them both, every night when my dad comes home from work my mum acts like it’s the first time, she’s seeing him. The look on her face is priceless! As soon as he comes, you know you aren’t seeing her again. She just leaves us and goes inside. When he’s done bathing, they both come outside, and he eats and hangs out with the kids a bit. She tells him about everything that happened depending on how his day went. Then we code with her and ask her if his mood is okay to ask for money or whatever. If it’s not, we wait. The next morning at about 3am, you can hear them giggling and whispering and gossiping and saying sweet nothings. Then he leaves for work at about 6am.

I learned from them that love isn’t perfect, it only must be real and true. You don’t have to be the richest man or the most beautiful woman, if you have someone by your side, you can be anything. I love my parents and I’m grateful they raised me in a house of love, realistic love. I’ve seen the ugliness of it and its beauty. I know what it can do, and I know I deserve it. Hell, I was born out of love, literally (valentine lol). If my parents who met through an arranged marriage can find their love and hold on and grow it and nurture it into what it is today, then what’s my excuse? By the way, my mum never left. Lol. My papa na sharp guy.