“I wonder where I’d be without the mistakes I’ve made”…..this is definitely one of my favorite life quotes. I made it up too, so yes, I guess I should get it copyrighted…lol. I’ve led a rather ‘interesting’ life, I’ve lived a full life, and I don’t say that lightly. My life is beautiful, it’s been colorful, it been exciting. It’s been full of ups and downs, a roller-coaster of sorts. I’ve lived, I’ve loved, and yes I’ve lost and I’ve done it all, over and over again. I used to make the mistake of living for what everyone else wanted, but then I realized not even that can please anyone. I respect your opinion of what my life should be, I actually do care what you think about me, but if for one ducking second you think I’d live my life based on your expectations, you should wake up because it’s obviously a daydream. I’ve changed, maybe not for better or worse, but I’ve evolved. I’m not the girl I once was or at least, I pretend to not be. I’m all I came to this world with and I’m all I’m leaving with, so I’ll do anything to protect myself.
Life has been funny, so ridiculous it’s been hilarious even when I cry. I’ve been blessed with the ability to see things from the weird point people fail to see things from, like I always say “I’m wired weird.” This has helped me look at things from a perspective that makes it easier for me to live with. I’ve gone through stuff that people read in books, things that sound like fiction but Through it all, I’ve managed to smile and come out of it good. Not always great or perfect, but not as bad as it could have been. I’m not perfect, far from it. I’m scarred and damaged and broken, I’ve been beaten and battered and worn out but I’m me and I’ve never pretended otherwise. It doesn’t get better than that, doesn’t get better than being real. I see so much growth in my future and I just feel so much pride swell in my heart for my past, present, and future self. I’ve done some things that I think of, and for a second or two, I wish I didn’t. I’ve regretted a lot but I’ve never, and will never live in regret.
My life has been for a purpose, a purpose I neither know nor totally understand yet, but I’ve been blessed. Blessed beyond belief, blessed beyond favor. I’m not where I’m meant to be yet, my life is a journey and the only end is death, but I’m moving. I’m not where I used to be, but I’m not where I was yesterday. I’m a project under construction, a flower growing out of concrete…who knew I could? It’s never been easy, even when it came easy. I’ve changed, I’m changing, constantly evolving. Learning everyday, making mistakes, never once; but boy, do we learn? Sometimes I wonder if I’ve made the best decisions, but then I look at my life -at the good, the bad, the present, the hurdles, how far I’ve come- and I say “Yaasssss bitch, you have, now shut up and smile.”
It’s not been all bad, we haven’t done too shabby, if I do say so myself. Every mistake has led to ‘here’, to ‘now’ and here and now is all I’ve ever wanted. It’s not perfect, and it’s never going to be. But I’m not dead and there’s hope for the living. Sometimes I look at my life and think of things I could have done different but I look at my life now and I’m glad I didn’t. I do not live in regret, I do not live in doubt, every step in my life is not always carefully thought out but I take it with confidence nonetheless. God made me smart, so doubting myself is doubting Him and I refuse to. God knows that this is how ready I am now, and He’s not giving me more than I can handle nor letting me bite more than I can chew. I’m a girl at work, I’m a woman in progress. I won’t say don’t judge me, please do. A little criticism never hurt a goddess.
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